Arguing parents!
Why did I say, ‘Alhamdulillah’? I’m breaking down! It’s often asked, ‘What should I do about the illogical objections of my father and mother?’ Some say my father’s behaviour is very bad. He bothers me! But I respond enthusiastically with ‘Alhamdulillah!’.
“Your parents’ good demeanour has facilitated your duty toward them. Their temperament is a source of compensation for you. They are helping to make it easier for you, for which you should be grateful.”
You might be wondering, “What should I do? I can’t go on like this.” I want to remind you that this is just a test!
ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَ ٱلْمَوْتَ وَٱلْحَيَوٰةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًۭا ۚ وَهُوَ ٱلْعَزِيزُ ٱلْغَفُورُ
‘Who created death and life that He may try you (al-Mulk verse 2)
Younger generations say that my parents are not very social. They don’t know my problems. They have passed this age. They have other considerations. They don’t understand my feelings.” So, how should ALLAH (ﷻ) test you? With wolves in the desert?
Should He bring another bad-tempered person from somewhere else? It is better to be tested (suffering in Islam) for your father’s bad behaviour. Whatever it may be, always respect your father and mother, my dear brothers and sisters.
Brothers and sisters, it’s essential to honour and respect your father and mother. True success in this world and the hereafter is determined by how well you have treated your parents.
Respect your parents! (Purpose of life in Islam)
Sometimes, they restrict us from going there, but we insist on going. If they say don’t go, don’t go unless religion says it is obligatory.
It is a test. So, how should He test you?
With my mother and father’s illogical words?
The answer is “Yes.” All of you will be tested with your fathers and mothers.
Some of us say that we will get even with them. How dare you?
We have different cultures. We are from different times. We have different ages!
Remember, brothers and sisters, to always lower your voice. Did you think that ALLAH (ﷻ) didn’t understand these things when He created you in this way?
ALLAH (ﷻ) knew these completely. Everyone should pass these tests. ALLAH (ﷻ) will punish a person who doesn’t pass the differences between generations tests well.
Sometimes, parents don’t have the courage to say anything to their children! They are wrong. But be careful, parents! If you tell him, “Don’t go, “but he goes, he will become wretched!
Ask for ALLAH’s (ﷻ) forgiveness for your child. What kind of culture is this? This should be clear to everyone, “you have broken your mother’s heart? Or you have broken your father’s heart?
Do you think it is worse to see the lurid scene in a movie than to show a boy or a girl misbehaving with his/her parents? It is obvious that their bad behaviour is worse. That is a bigger sin.
A person who his parents disown is worse off than a profligate is.
Arguing parents: Respect and Wisdom
Islam has been degraded by Western civilization a lot through movies or their ill-intentioned propaganda. There are movies in which they show a boy misbehaving with his mother. Everyone should curse that boy while watching the movie when he behaves badly towards his father. Such disrespectful behaviour is against the teachings of Islam, which emphasizes the importance of honouring and respecting one’s parents. This is how Islamic civilization looks like, which no doubt is the only future.
People who think that Western civilization is way ahead in scientific studies and view Islam and religion as man-made things are misguided. Be careful of those people because it is your life, and you are responsible for the decisions you make. They are foolish if they think that Islamic civilization will not rise. Look for yourself; the downfall of modern civilization has already begun. The future is crystal clear to those who have knowledge of it and are not blinded by materialistic things.
I am in no way against earning money or being successful. Be the richest person in the world, be the most powerful person in the world, but respect your parents, your deen, and be mindful of the society so that your actions do not destroy it.
Etiquettes for children towards Parents
- Be kind: Always be nice and gentle to your parents.
- Listen well: Pay attention when your parents talk to you.
- Help them: Assist your parents with chores and tasks.
- Respect them: Always show respect and never raise your voice.
- Pray for them: Ask ALLAH (ﷻ) to bless and forgive your parents.
- Be patient: Stay calm and patient, even if you disagree.
- Speak softly: Use kind and gentle words with your parents.
- Thank them: Always say thank you and appreciate what they do.
- Visit often: Spend time with your parents and keep them company.
- Obey them: Follow their advice and do as they ask, unless it is wrong in Islam.
Understanding the test with parents in Islam
“These days, sometimes parents are challenging (Status of parents), and sometimes they are supportive. In Islam, we have a concept known as ‘the test with parents.’ It’s not just about being polite; it’s a test. If we view it as mere politeness, someone might claim, ‘You don’t know how much my parents bother me. How can I pass this test?’
But we should stop them right there. ‘Have you passed the test with your parents or not? Your mother’s words weren’t personal; did you listen to her? The same goes for your father. Did you pay attention to what he said? The test lies in how you respond to them.
In Islam, we view interactions with parents as a test. If someone complains about their parents’ behaviour, we ask them if they passed this test. Did they listen to their mother even if she didn’t understand? Did they respect their father’s words? This is how we understand and approach the concept of the test with parents in Islam.
Life as a constant test
We must view everything as a test. At this moment, we are being tested with these words. Listening to these words is a stage of our test! Currently, we are being tested. Every aspect of life is a test.
We don’t constantly undergo tests in our everyday lives, which is why we overlook the fact that ALLAH (ﷻ) is testing us throughout our entire lives.
When an individual decides to buy a car, it is not merely a casual endeavor but a substantial commitment. Similarly, opting for the route to Mecca is not just a random choice; it signifies a deliberate and purposeful decision to move forward.
Imagine you’re taking a driving test to get your license. During the test, the traffic officer watches how you handle different situations, like stopping at signs and using turn signals. They evaluate your driving skills based on how you perform during the test.
Outside of the test, your driving isn’t being judged or evaluated for the purpose of getting your license. The assessment happens only during the test itself, not before or after.
In our daily lives, we may not always recognize the ongoing tests that ALLAH (ﷻ) places upon us. Every interaction with ALLAH (ﷻ) is a trial. Whether we are blessed with wealth or not is a test. Wealth isn’t truly ours; it’s a means of testing our gratitude and responsibility.
Likewise, experiencing poverty is also a trial, not a permanent condition. These tests remind us of our dependence on ALLAH (ﷻ) and challenge us to respond with patience, gratitude, and faith.
In the Quran, every aspect of life is portrayed as a test from ALLAH (ﷻ). Whether facing illness, material wealth, or personal capabilities, each challenge is an opportunity to demonstrate patience and faith. Embracing this perspective helps us understand that our trials are integral to our spiritual journey and growth.
وَلَنَبۡلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيۡءٖ مِّنَ ٱلۡخَوۡفِ وَٱلۡجُوعِ وَنَقۡصٖ مِّنَ ٱلۡأَمۡوَٰلِ وَٱلۡأَنفُسِ وَٱلثَّمَرَٰتِۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.” (Surah Al-Baqarah – 155)
Instead of viewing life’s stages simply as different ages where ALLAH (ﷻ) tests individuals, consider life as a continuous series of tests that evolve with each phase. ALLAH (ﷻ) tests the vigor of youth, evaluates the responsibilities of adulthood, and challenges the wisdom of old age—all as part of a lifelong journey of growth and faith.
This perspective reflects the ongoing nature of ALLAH’s (ﷻ) tests, demonstrating His infinite wisdom and mercy. It’s fascinating to contemplate that ALLAH (ﷻ) tirelessly guides and tests us through every stage of life.
Life unfolds as a series of tests from ALLAH (ﷻ), varying from subtle to overt challenges. Consider waking up in the morning: from the simple act of washing your face to the unexpected slip that startles you awake—each moment is a test. Even turning on a faucet to find clean water can be seen as a test of gratitude and awareness.
Intelligent individuals perceive these trials with humility and gratitude. They recognize that every action, whether routine or unexpected, is an opportunity to express praise to ALLAH (ﷻ). By embracing these trials, both quiet and impactful, we deepen our faith and understanding of ALLAH’s (ﷻ) guidance in our lives.
“Who created death and life that He may try you.”
Everything is a trial.
Conclusion
A person who diligently protects their home from deviations and wrongdoings and follows the teachings of the Imams has indeed waged a grand jihad for the sake of ALLAH (ﷻ), especially in these times when both external and internal pressures threaten the sanctity of the home.
From the mocking and ridicule of friends and relatives who add to the pressure by saying things like “What kind of nonsense is this?” This is backwardness! These words belong to 1400 years ago! We must allow people to do whatever they want freely.
People have progressed! At such times! Safeguarding the family from harm is genuinely one of the hardest things to do.
